Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
