i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Randomize
