Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
