You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
