and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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