and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
