i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
