my vag is so smooth its legendary
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
