Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
