you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
this just has baby written all over it
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
