i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
