When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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