I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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