I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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