this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
