Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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