Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Slut skills are useful in every country.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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