Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
