Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
