I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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