I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
