i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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