Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
