You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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