You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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