Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
