if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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