I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
