Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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