eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
