Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
