remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
