Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It's never too late to be topless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize