hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
