God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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