is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just want nice things and good sex
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
