I smell stomach acid.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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