oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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