a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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