Heybabeimwearingurpanties
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
