Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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