brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
