Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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