I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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