Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
