Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
