i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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