This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
