just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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