Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
