and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
why do cheetos always look like penises
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
