So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
