who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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