My sheets look like a crime scene.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize