I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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