after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
as a side note pls kill me
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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