so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
